My ex partner and friend Simon died recently from a head injury he received in a brawl. That morning my world got a whole lot emptier. The next day I sat with and his family in the hospital and said goodbye, he was warm, and machines made him breath, but everything that made him Simon was gone. I spent a long time that day trying to memorise everything about him, the dirt under his nails, his one grey chest hair, the feel of his skin, the hairs on his arm. I dreamed of him last night and even in my dream I was sad because I knew he was gone.
But this week, the sun has been shining, the garlic has been shooting up in my new veggie patch and I am regaining my equilibrium. I'm still all kinds of ups and downs but I'm able to cope with normal everyday things like showering and washing dishes. I think it's important to see the best in even crappy events so today I see I am lucky.
I am lucky to never have lost someone so close to me before. I am lucky that after several years with him, I am not going through the trauma of losing a partner, just losing a loved friend. I am lucky to have someone to support me through this time with love and affection. I am lucky I got to say goodbye, in a way. I am lucky to be able to forgive.
So today I will try not to be sad, a little less sad anyway, and look at the best in life. Here are some things that are cheering me up today.My pink, pink hair. (Note to self, pink+orange=not good)The garden in bloom, for pretty things to wake up to.New to me op-shop eiderdown bought for me, by him.
My latest project, derby inspired embroidery