Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Fear

(image from here)
I'm generally not a scaredy cat. Ok, so I'm not so great with heights and there is something about that "I'm comin' to getcha!" winding musclyness of snakes that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, oh, and I don't like touching earthworms with my bare hands...
... so aside from (all) those things I'm pretty cool with stuff, I'm game to give things a go and don't really sweat the small stuff, but anyone else out there who has experienced depression (yes, my arm is raised high in the air!) will know 'The Fear'.

Also known as 'The Creeping Heebie-Jeebies', 'The Fear' has haunted me on and off since I was 7. It's an irrational, creeping, consuming anxiety or panic. I never really know when it will strike, some mornings I awake and it's just there, waiting to pounce and fill me with restless stress. Once, while I was at uni I woke up with 'The Fear' and it didn't leave for 13 months.

Currently 'The Fear' and I are on a break, he is seeing someone else and I'm cool with that, we see each other in the street, nod politely and keep walking.

Except, The Fear just loves the supermarket. And I don't. Sometimes I would rather just raid the pantry for that very last, out of date, tin of Spam than face those aisles of produce.

Maybe it's the lighting. Maybe it's all those people under one roof passing inches from each other and not meeting eyes. Maybe it's the mothers with babies or the housewives shopping for families. I can't quite pin it down but more often than not lurking somewhere between the tomato sauce and cereal bars, my old friend lies in wait.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I have a phobia of supermarkets. I just don't think they're super. Not one little bit. a pragmatic response from a friend to my dilemma was "can't you go to Tonna's instead?". Well yes, I could go to our local fruit and veg store but there would still be people to negotiate, bags to fill, decisions to make, baskets to carry or trolleys to push and still an odd, self consciousness, awkwardness and worry.

So Lilly Allen, I hear you, coz sometimes I'm being taken over by the fear as well!


CurlyPops said...

I usually wait until the very last minute before I go. I'd rather pay twice the price for milk and bread from the milk bar, and then go to the greengrocer and butcher separately just so that I don't have to go to the supermarket.

Drewzel said...

OMG yes, I LOATHE the supermarket. I seem to get all disorientated, and end up coming out with a bag of marshmallows and some air freshener, rather than the cat food and bread that I originally went in for. Sigh.

Polka Dot Rabbit said...

I loathe it also, even with a list I'm sure to miss some of the most obvious items and I hate the rude staff and carrying all the heavy bags!

RoLuc said...

sounds like the anxiety I used to get before they doped me up!

Kim said...

I think you need a shopping buddy. You just need someone to chat to, a distraction, to keep the heebies away. Just make sure you take a list, so you don't forget why you are there ;-) Oh, and just don't take my Dad, because I have done that before, and he tends to cause more anxiety with comments like "why did you get that pack, this one is better value". Irritating.

Suzie said...

I just look at the lovely packaging and pretend I'm one of those American soppy movie chicks who meander around the aisles looking wistful about nothing, and hey presto, it's true! Cute packaging does it every time.