(image from here)I'm generally not a scaredy cat. Ok, so I'm not so great with heights and there is something about that "I'm comin' to getcha!" winding musclyness of snakes that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, oh, and I don't like touching earthworms with my bare hands...
... so aside from (all) those things I'm pretty cool with stuff, I'm game to give things a go and don't really sweat the small stuff, but anyone else out there who has experienced depression (yes, my arm is raised high in the air!) will know 'The Fear'.
Also known as 'The Creeping Heebie-Jeebies', 'The Fear' has haunted me on and off since I was 7. It's an irrational, creeping, consuming anxiety or panic. I never really know when it will strike, some mornings I awake and it's just there, waiting to pounce and fill me with restless stress. Once, while I was at uni I woke up with 'The Fear' and it didn't leave for 13 months.
Currently 'The Fear' and I are on a break, he is seeing someone else and I'm cool with that, we see each other in the street, nod politely and keep walking.
Except, The Fear just loves the supermarket. And I don't. Sometimes I would rather just raid the pantry for that very last, out of date, tin of Spam than face those aisles of produce.
Maybe it's the lighting. Maybe it's all those people under one roof passing inches from each other and not meeting eyes. Maybe it's the mothers with babies or the housewives shopping for families. I can't quite pin it down but more often than not lurking somewhere between the tomato sauce and cereal bars, my old friend lies in wait.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I have a phobia of supermarkets. I just don't think they're super. Not one little bit. a pragmatic response from a friend to my dilemma was "can't you go to Tonna's instead?". Well yes, I could go to our local fruit and veg store but there would still be people to negotiate, bags to fill, decisions to make, baskets to carry or trolleys to push and still an odd, self consciousness, awkwardness and worry.
So Lilly Allen, I hear you, coz sometimes I'm being taken over by the fear as well!